Tuesday, January 19, 2010

To Paint or Not to Paint.......

So I woke up this morning super tired...this feeling never seems to end for me, and I 'm on the computer like I usually am and decide to watch the movie Julie & Julia. I must say it's an awesome movie and so inspiring, but at the same time it I can't help but feel completely let down by it. The more I think about it, the more I think that I have nothing that is really important in my life, (well aside from my children and husband who are most important). I guess I should clarify that point....I don't have anything that is uniquely mine, that only I can do for me, that makes me feel passionate and relaxed and happy.

So over the last few days I have had this feeling that I really need to paint, and I think THIS, (at least for as long as my mind stays focused), could be my "uniquely mine", if that makes any sense? But at the same time I need to challenge myself. When I first started painting I learned how to paint along side Bob Ross on the Knowledge Network, and wow I was so excited! Here I could paint a beautiful scenery picture and it looked fabulous, at least to my family, my friends, and myself. I brought that newfound love into my art class at school, expecing my art teacher Mrs. Pelkey to be as excited as I was....this was not to be.

Although she was excited and supportive of my need to paint, she was not excited about the technique and for years urged me to push myself to develop my own style of painting. Now for one such as me, who has ideas a mile a minute and am as flighty as a butterfly, Bob Ross's style was perfect...I could paint a picture in 30 minutes and then I would be done and I could move on to something new! I continues painting like this for years, loving the compliments of my friends and family over the paintings I created, but at the same time I could still here my old art teacher in the back of my head telling me that that wasn't good enough, that I could do better. So because I couldn't hear those thoughts over and over again, I put away my paints and moved on.

Last year I decided to start painting again....I NEEDED to paint again. But I was afraid that I would continue to paint Bob Ross esque pictures, (although there is nothing wrong with that, I mean It worked for him right?), so I decided to look into different styles of painting. But the problem I have found with that is that I am still copying someone elses style. I need to develop my own, but the question is how?

And that is where I am left standing....

The solution is not easy, but I do have a direction. The question I asked myself this morning was, and remember I'm in a sort of dejected mood, "How do I paint emotion as opposed to painting a picture that has stuff in it?"

What does this mood feel like and how can I convey that with paint, a brush and canvas?


I think I have something to work on for the next few days or hours....

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